The real reason I'm a single parent.

Bear with me. We are going to be taking a break from daily going-ons of leopard shenanigans and get deep for a moment. Real deep. 

I hope you all brought your shovels to dig in and your ladders to climb out. 

Brace yourselves people and don't tell me I didn't warn you. 

One of my favorite things about having this blog is making connections with so many other single moms. You are all amazing women with unique stories. You are strong, awesome mothers. I love your honesty, humor and stories. 

And I know how all of you became single moms. 

But none of you know how I became a single mom. 

I was married for five years. And abused for just as long. My therapist showed me the "wheel of power and control" once and it displayed every kind of abuse men often did. My ex did all of them. I tried very hard to hide the abuse from my babies. But I knew they knew, especially Cub. And yet, I was powerless to stop it. 

One day, though, I had had enough and called the police. I left him that day and eased myself out of the relationship from that point on. Spring turned into summer and summer turned into fall. Cub started preschool. I also got the courage to go off completely on my own. I cut my ex off financially and told him I was going to file for divorce.  

The next morning as I was taking Cub to preschool, the ex snuck into my house and hid for an hour. When I went to do laundry that morning, he was waiting for me. 

He intended to kill me. 

Hell hath no fury like an angry mom. 

Or a momma determined to stay alive for her children. With my 18 month old child asleep 10 feet away (in her room with the door closed) I fought for my life. Due to an amazing set of circumstances I was able to get off a call to 911 and then escape my husband. The police found me in the neighborhood in just my bra and jeans. 

My ex is now in prison, my oldest child still does not feel safe. And I am relearning to live and love life. 

Why am I telling this story?

It's an important story for women to hear. To know that if they are abused there is light at the end of tunnel. Yes, it sucks getting there and trust me, I'm not there yet. It's also important for those with friends who are abused, you have a tough role. You need support just as much. 

Every story of domestic abuse includes the mantra, "If you are abused, you don't have to take it anymore. You are better than that." And yet, it's the hardest relationship to leave. For reasons of personal feelings of worthlessness, but also because of personal safety. 

I am very lucky to have an amazing support system. They have an amazing ability to listen, to support without being judgmental because I have made some pretty boneheaded decisions. But now they are also the ones I go to to celebrate my little victories, Cub's recovery and Kitten's normalcy (yes, I'm using that term loosely)! It's a long road and I still have much to travel, but it's getting easier and now I'm happier than I've ever been!

I don't talk about this part of my life here, but I do have another blog. Life: ReStarted. Check it out. But be warned. I swear and rant and have a harder edge. I also tend to compose posts when I'm entirely sleep deprived. So sorry. In advance. So that's my story. Start at my very first post and also hit the post for the one year anniversary of my attack. 

If you want the story of one of my friends who has been there for me every step of the way, head on over to Fritz Facts. I realize I did not throw her in my sorting out the people post. But she has her own blog, with her own cast of crazies! I love this lady and know I can call her with anything. I've even called her once just so I could cry. Over the phone. While she listened. That's friendship. RIght there. Good posts of hers are the really great one about supporting a friend who is going through this. It's great advice that works. Also, I cried when I read this post. I'm sure you will to. 

So that's my story. I'm currently still going through a divorce. My little leopards are back to "normal" and so am I. You would never know they've had any hardship in their lives. That's cause they're awesome. 

Now back to regularly scheduled leopard craziness. 

Can someone please explain to me why my children are LITERALLY bouncing off the walls?!?!

Comments

[Kellyn]

So, now that the tears are rolling down my face.

I love you hun. Every minute of each day I am thankful for you. You have changed my life in the past 12 years. I can never thank YOU enough for being who you are. You are one strong amazing person.

Whenever, where ever you need me. You know that

[Treemama]

Amazing of you to share that and hopefully someone who needs it will see it and know they can let go.

I am amazing proud of you. I never had to endure physical (only emotional abuse and manipulation) violence and cannot imagine your terror.

I am glad you and your little leopards are doing better. My own seven year old unfortunately lived through the madness of my own breakup. After years of stomach aches and anxiety and irrational fears, I am happy to say she is a happy, carefree girl again.

Just proving we can all move on and do it no matter how hard.

I needed this message tonight, thanks!

[Karissa]

Thanks for sharing this. You are so strong and so amazing.

I hope to get a little personal this week as well.